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Head Case - Meet the T in LGBT
March 1, 2008
A 2007 study indicates that one in 500 people is transgendered, a larger number than previously thought.? Little by little, transgendered people are making some headway toward wider recognition in the 21st century. Recent media coverage on shows such as the Sundance Channel?s series Transgeneration, a Barbara Walters special focusing on transgendered children, Ugly Betty, and the new show on Logo called Transamerican Love Story have continued to bring the topic into the mainstream. There is, however, still much work to be done.
Gays are considered by some to be the original fringe group (the OG?s, as it were) and we love acronyms, so someone thought it made perfect sense to add the T?s to the mix, since everyone knows gays and lesbians are ever so much more open-minded and accepting than the breeders. (Do people still say ?breeders??)
At any rate, this has also had the unintended consequence of many people misunderstanding the difference between people who feel like they are in the wrong body and people (mostly gay men) who like to entertain people by lip-synching to Shania Twain songs. These are drag queens. Or people (mostly straight men, believe it or not) who wear women?s clothing to get a sexual charge. These are transvestites. Interestingly, people who wear women?s clothing to entertain people don?t have a diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, whereas if they are doing it for sexual purposes or identity purposes, then they are diagnosed as either a transvestic fetishist or as ?suffering? from gender identity disorder (GID).
Until the 1970s, homosexuality was considered a diagnosable illness as well, but it was removed as more was understood and further studied about sexual identity. A watered-down diagnosis came later called ego dystonic homosexuality, which was characterized by unwanted homosexual feelings and the inability to maintain wanted heterosexual relationships. Gender identity disorder, however, remains a mental illness. Incidentally, the cure of said illness? Transitioning to the desired gender, making the mind match the body.
Transition generally begins with therapy and being diagnosed with GID. Many therapists follow the Standards of Care handed down from the Harry Benjamin International Gender Identity Association, made up of clinicians who specialize in treating GID. Though these standards of care are intended to give a framework for clinicians to follow, they can look like hoops to jump through if you?re the one going through transition, because the standards recommend therapy, letters of recommendation before hormones/surgeries, etc. And you might see how condescending it is for someone who is transgendered to not feel trusted to know their own bodies and minds ? as if people think that if the ?condition? wasn?t a ?disorder,? then there would be scores of men lopping off their penises and women gluing them on resulting in a total societal meltdown (never mind that other cultures consider transgendered people as shamans and healers).
Let me end by dispelling a few myths. Most transgendered people, like many gays and lesbians, report knowing something was different at a very young age. Many kids experiment with cross-sex behavior, but as one mom put it in the recent Barbara Walters special, there is a difference between your 5-year-old saying, ?I want to be a girl? and ?I am a girl.?
Having supportive parents doesn?t cause gender identity disorder.? If anything, having non-supportive parents can end up just causing more conflict down the road.
There is a tendency for many transgendered women to try to behave in hyper-masculine ways in order to prove their manhood to the outside world and cancel out their female identity on the inside. If you go through life trying to be something you?re not, this is going to lead to trouble. Sound familiar?
There are also some myths related to attraction. The type of people you are attracted to has little to do with your sex. I had one trans woman tell me ?You know, I may be attracted to gay men but I am a woman. Why would I want to go to gay bars -- I?m never going to meet anyone there.? Makes sense, right? If you?re a woman, and you?re attracted to men ? carry the one, multiply by pi ? then you probably aren?t going to get laid in a gay bar. The fear is that you won?t find a ?normal? hetero guy who will be comfortable knowing you were born a ?dude.?
Fear not. There is someone for everyone, and there?s room for all of us.
Dr. Michael DeMarco is a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist in Kansas City and can be reached at Michael@mytherapist.info. Visit Dr. D. at www.mytherapist.info/drdemarco.
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